On The Mend

"Thinking positive!" It's so much harder said then done, isn't it?

Someone in my doctors office hugged me this morning and said, "Ambor, you've really been through a lot and we see it and know. We all think you've handled everything so positively and we're all inspired by how well you've managed this!" (have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE my doctor and his staff?! To hear people remind you that your doing really well and that YOU inspire THEM is really uplifting. She probably has no idea how much she touched me when she said that. I umm... wiped a tear away when she said it. Don't tell anyone!!!!

I was in another car accident last week (this time it wasn't my fault!) this women just backed into my car right where I had had my last accident just two months ago.

The prior accident I had kinda had fallen asleep or just not been mentally there when driving home from a long day at the office. When I had gotten out of the car to speak to the man I hit he brushed off the damage I had done to his car and smiled and said, "it's ok! it's my old car don't worry about it." He had then walked me back to my car and held the door open for me. "Sr, your so extreamly kind to me. Thank you, you have no idea what this means to me." To which the man winked at me and said, "I think I might know how much it means."

I slowly got out of my car in my secound accident to see what type of damage had been done to my already damaged fender and the women got out of her car very apologetic. I smiled and told her, "it's ok! it's my old car don't worry about it." and I walked her back to her car. This made me feel like I had passed on the generous attitude that the man had so recently showed me. My life has changed after everything I have been through. I see things much more differentially then I used to.

On another note, I saw my Doctor today and we talked about my mental breakdown that happened last Friday and Saturday night. I was unsure exactly what had triggered it but I had ended up in hysterical tears with very disturbing thoughts and was unable to breath. Each episode took me a couple hours to get passed. I think looking back it was kinda crazy behavior. I flashed back to that moment when the nurse had complimented me on how well I was managing everything. The thing is that I think it's OK to have these laps in mental stability. Maybe it's my way of morning my loss of life as I know it, but i kinda feel better today after letting it all out.

My doctor mentioned that he really felt like work was stressing me out. My next step in this fight is to come off of antibiotics, learn how to get back into a routine while working, (I started to try and take a brake a 2:00 when I'm used to taking a nap and walking instead. This has helped give me that little extra oomph for the rest of the day,) learn how to manage stress (more information will follow once I have researched it more,) and go to see another doctor and possibly try a stimulant (but only for a short time. 2-4 weeks and not longer.)

Fatigue is the last symptom to get rid of!!!! If I can get past this... I will have won my fight with this Disease. Mind over body or body over mind... I think this disease is kinda both.

When I am able to run three times a week for over a mile... I am going to buy myself the new Garmin Forerunner 405. Just so long as all my disability goes through and I can afford it!!