When you are ill for a lengthy amount of time with no real finish line or light at the end of the dark tunnel ahead of you one sometimes withdraws. Once my third treatment started I will admit that I withdrew. To successfully get through the withdraw stage of illness a person first has to accept that they are withdrawing and that the withdraw is completely acceptable. Embracing this can only help move you forward and onto the next steps of dealing with the unknowns.
The third treatment was completely different. I was on three different antibiotics and diet and I took an extra month after being taken off of them to recover and work on building up my body again before returning to work. Once I returned to work it was like night and day compared to the last two returns. My brain was functioning, my energy was becoming better and better and my overall sense of my body was returning to me. My co-workers and boss also noticed the major change in my behavior which was such a positive thing to have. Still, I was somewhat reluctant to really take it as a defeat as I was concerned about possibly having my success taken away from me as I had before. So, I was ever more careful about my schedule and kept to a strict routine with my diet, sleep and activities. It appeared to be what I needed.
Sadly, the last thing that my illness could take from my daily life activities was my job and it finally took that with it as well. 45 days after my return my office “let me go” which was disappointing and a relief all at once. After having been ill for as long as I was with an invisible illness it was difficult to get the understanding from my peers. I knew prior to returning that if I wanted to continue to build my career that once I was well again it would be important for me to find another team. Once people develop an opinion of you it is challenging to change it and in most cases it’s better to move on so that you can move up.
While this was a challenge in of itself as losing a job is a play with pride. It was difficult to wrap my head around and even more frustrating knowing that it was directly correlated with my illness. When I find myself at the bottom… I know that the only way to go is up and I felt the best I had felt in three years which gave me a new sense of confidence.
Then, something even better happened; 6 months after being taken off of my drugs I started to feel better and better. As a women I started noticing that my cycle was going back to normal along with everything else. I have always tracked my cycle which has benefited me a great deal in knowing my body! When I started noticing this I pulled my ever faithful companion aside to talk about possibly using birth control again. We had chosen to refrain from it when I was on all of the drugs attempting to not play with the norm as much as we could. I was on enough drugs as it was. At the end of June we started to look at our options to make our choice. I was starting to get excited because I felt so great and I had now been off of the drugs longer then I had been in three years!
On July 24th, 2010 (my 28th birthday) I discovered that I was pregnant. Surprise!! We hadn’t changed anything, yet here I was looking at a stick with TWO lines on it when I was used to seeing ONE! I had a follow up appointment with my Lyme Doctor (Doctor R) that week which was a relief because I had a bunch of questions for him with the new development.
Dr. R looked at me with this smile that I hadn’t ever seen on him before and he started to get excited. “A, do you know what this means?” my response, “ummmm…” Dr. R, “A, if your body was still ill and couldn’t handle a pregnancy then it would not have allowed you to get pregnant!” Dr. R was excited. Needless to say I am now 24 weeks pregnant and I feel better than I have felt in over three years. My energy is wonderful and even pregnant my brain is back to normal and I can remember things again. My pregnancy has gone swimmingly without any complications or challenges. I would have to say that I am more than halfway there and any of my concerns about the pregnancy have been in vain. If I was still ill, I would have relapsed by now or even had issues with the pregnancy but instead, as I sit here typing at 9:30pm I have made it through the day without a three hour nap and my baby is kicking up a storm inside me.
I have completely finished the chapter of fighting Lyme disease, and have started a new chapter! I plan on keeping tabs on how my pregnancy goes and how breast feeding and my baby comes along. It seems like there isn’t a lot of information out there about having a baby after Lyme disease and I would like to add to the small amount that is out there. I had to wait to write this post until I had the chance to tell all of my family!
2011 brings me a new year with a completely new and different life. My baby is due March 31st and I am looking forward to meeting the little one who brings with him/her a new happiness after such a long fight.
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